TURNING POINT

TURNING POINT 

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

          Its 2:34 pm, I can’t believe I slept for 12 hours! It’s a fine Sunday afternoon and I’m 34 minutes late for my tennis game. I still need to get ready for 26 minutes. Now I’m going to be late for an hour, unbelievable. When I got up and tried to make my bed, I felt as if there’s a strong earthquake. So I sat down on the side of the bed, then I just realized that Cambodia has no natural disaster like earthquakes, typhoons, etc. What was I thinking? I’m so silly imagining things that are so surreal. Then I felt a big kick in my stomach, it was bad so I went to the directly to the toilet. While in it, I felt nauseous and so thirsty. I tried to remember what did I do the night before or what did I have for dinner. 

          I remembered, the smell of scent of lemongrass. I had dinner in one of the fanciest restaurant in Siem Reap, had the most scrumptious and the juiciest steak matched with the most divine mashed potatoes and some luscious buttered vegetables. In a fancy restaurant like Meric, a steak is always served with a glass or two of their best finesse red-wine available. Right after dinner, I went straight home, read a few pages of a very interesting book, watched a little tv and slept. In short, the dinner was awesome and it was in the place that I would never expect to be serving bad food. So, food poisoning’s already out of the list. 

          After a quick flashback from last night, there’s just one thing left in my mind. I got a half-a-liter of water in the fridge, drank the whole bottle; put on a shirt and a pair of jeans, got my car keys then drove myself downtown. I already know what to buy and where to get it. Upon my arrival in the pharmacy, I immediately asked the attendant to give me 5 sets of early-pregnancy-test kits. I asked 3 of the best brands then 2 cheaper ones then went to straight to the cashier. I was just in a short line with 3 or 4 people ahead of me. I can hear my heart beat palpitating. I can feel the cold sweat running down my face. I can foresee how everybody will react if ever those 2 pink lines would appear. I can even hear my friends cursing and my parents crying inside my head. Since my family back home in the Philippines is a conservative Catholic, I’ve been thinking of some moral issues. What will the whole say? How are they going to react? Am I going to be persecuted? Will my parents forgive me? Am I ready to be a mother? Its as if, everything is just a glimpse and in slow-motion but it isn’t. As soon as I heard the “ka-ching” sound of the cash register, I gave the money to the attendant, got all stuff I bought and left the pharmacy without getting my change or even looking back. All I was thinking is to go back to my apartment and check if it’s positive or negative. 

           The town is 15 minutes away from my place but I just drove it for 5. Didn’t realize it till I saw the time in my car when I parked. Before got out of my white, second-hand Toyota Camry, which I named Camille, I grabbed my keys and just slammed the door. My hands were shaking rapidly, as if I have Parkinson’s disease same as my late Grandma’s. It took me over 10 minutes to open door of my house. I got mixed emotions. I was so scared, a bit excited, a little nervous and surprisingly curious. Finally I got inside my small apartment, fully furnished and very neat and tidy, well maintained by my Khmer house help. I opened the 5 boxes of the EPT kits, read all the instructions and went straight to the bathroom. I tested 5 times because I want to make sure of the results and be somewhat accurate. 

          I tried the first kit. My right hand was shaking as I look at the result. I saw 2 pink lines meaning positive. I did the whole thing until I used the 5th kit, and all I got are the same 2-pink-lined results. Then it finally came to me. I am pregnant. Every single feeling I had for the last hours were down now to excitement. I’m actually excited and ecstatic that I’m going to be a mother at 27years old. Unmarried, in a relationship for 15 months and at the peek of my career, at that time I was on a turning point of my life. 

           At that moment, all I can think of is the question if I’m ready to face the responsibilities of being a mother. I said to myself, its good that I have some savings that is enough for my next journey. I didn’t even think that I might lose my career and my life in Cambodia, or even had any second thoughts if the father of my child’s going to marry me or support me with my decision. All I know is I’m very happy that God gave me a gift and an opportunity to bear a child. I always pray and thank Him for everything He has given me and everything that He will provide in the future, whether a sweet and smooth journey or a walk on a bumpy road. I decided to live life as normal as possible. That’s what I did for the next 273 days.